Remembering Pain

 

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times.”

- Charles Dickens

Often when we document things, Birthdays, Christmas and wonderful vacations…

we often only document those things that society tells us are happy…this can be a mistake.

Those darker adventures in life are often pushed to the cobwebs of our consciousness brought out occasionally, but rarely embraced. What we forget is that while the good things in life make us happy and loved…

it is the dark adventures that define us, the often sad things that if we let them bring beauty, change and wealth to the world.

The dark days when getting out of bed seems to be an impossible task, when the grief overwhelms us and we feel like we are flying through life the wind whipping in our ears and yet we don’t seem to see any of it…just a blur…hoping that for a few blissful moments we can forget the pain.

These are the times that teach us caring, empathy, perseverance and patience. Sometimes these lessons take years to learn.

I spent a number of my years living perhaps one my greatest adventures. Injured in highschool I spent the next seven years of life in and out of a wheel-chair, on disability leave and trying various procedures to diagnose what might be wrong and facing a possible life of chronic pain. I am not sure what is harder, knowing what illness you have or going through years of tests and still not knowing.

Chronic pain is so difficult.

It is like being a child and the feeling that the monster in your closet is so strong you shiver in fear, you know it is real! Then, your parent arrives opens the closet door to find nothing and admonishes you for your fantasies. As the door closes, you are once again left alone knowing that the monster is there, and deep down knowing that your parents came in the room already believing that your monster was simply in your imagination.

I often think of this period of my life as possibly my greatest adventure because while it was painful, hard and at times seemed hopeless it shaped me as a person.

It made me stronger, increased my understanding of others and made me look at the world around me in different colors and emotions then I would have known if I had not been injured.

I find now, even years later I am still discovering things about myself that I learned during that period in my life and documented them in this layout.

While pain never really goes away, and I still struggle with the remnants of that period of my life both physically and emotionally I cannot regret it.

This dark adventure has brought so much more beauty and love to my life then I would have ever thought possible during the darkest of days.

If you are struggling with your own pain at the moment know that I am thinking of you, hoping for you and praying that you will also find the beauty in some your life’s deepest, darkest adventures.

- Katie