Friday, March 4, 2016

Phases of Mommyhood

Lately I have been entering into a new phase of motherhood. Instead of trying to find a few moments to myself in the midst of the little babe craziness I find myself with a quickly becoming independent almost toddler. She no longer needs me to perform her most basic functions, no longer needs me to nurse her every three hours and momma is not the only person she runs to when she has a boo-boo or is ready for naps. I am torn between wanting to spend every second of the day watching her every experience and struggling with my happiness at having more time for me and my husband. I think multiple times through the day is she not needing me so much because I am spending more time away from her? Is she just growing? How much of this change is me changing and how much her? These days find me both super happy to see my babe growing, to see her independence but also worried about not being a good mother. Motherhood is such a rollercoaster....

Taking a mommy day to myself with a nutella at Killer ESP
espresso while pondering the meaning of motherhood.

Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Knitted Love

I am in love with Wollmeise yarn. The love, care and attention spent on the color ways are simply delicious and when combined with their soft drape makes for  a yarn combination that I will continue to use for many years. I have had the pleasure to visit the Wollmeise shop in Pfaffenhofen, Germany several times over the years and am never disappointed by my trip. Something about being surrounded by so many colors at once breeds artistic inspiration and there are little touches of the sense of humor of the company and artists everywhere in the store, including their bathroom!

Whenever I purchase Wollmeise yarn I know I need to pick the perfect pattern. A pattern that allows for a nice drape to showcase the yarn but also a pattern with detail to showcase it colors and texture. I have numerous patterns that I have favorited on Ravelry just for this purchase. This Drops Design pattern has been a favorite for a number of years. I love the simplicity of construction including the uncomplicated lace pattern and sideway short rows. I began the pattern while Miss Charlotte was only a few months old and our little family was visiting friends and family in our old home of Stuttgart, Germany.

I find it strange that even months later many knitters can remember all the details of their project. I remember the emotions when buying the yarn, my thoughts on starting the project and all the places where I carefully completed the stitches. The pattern was cast on during a sunny day, in an attic room in Stuttgart during May. I remember thinking I should make the largest size possible as I always dread creating a project for my daughter and then letting it hibernate so long it that it will no longer fit.

I remember reminding myself as I knitted to think of how much I loved my daughter and all the babies after her who would wear the sweater. I found myself thinking of the man or woman who designed the pattern, dyed the yarn and perhaps most importantly the many women in my family who spent time knitting little garments for all the babies who came before me in my family. I remember praying for them and praying for Charlotte. I remember dreaming about what my own ancestors may have dreamed about while they knitted their own wool masterpieces. I dreamed of Charlotte seeing this sweater as an adult and feeling the love and prayers her momma knitted into each stitch. This is why I love knitting, I love how it connects us to the past and to the future. I love the time for reflection and calm it gives during this busy life so many of us lead.

This sweater was knitted during a warm vacation day, a late night watching tv with my husband, a train ride downtown D.C. for a work meeting, and playdates sitting next to Charlotte while she crawled and played and later while she walked. It will keep her warm in the winter and in the summer and fills me with joy to see her wear it. Reading these words reminds me of a love letter written to a sweater, a silly concept. In reality this is a love letter to my daughter. It is a reminder for me and to her future self to take time to pause, create, reflect and love. I hope she feels this deep love even now as a wee one wearing her momma's knitted love.

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